2001-05-12 - 10:16 p.m.

Me: Dr, there's a question on my mind that I'd like to ask you about.

Dr: Go ahead

Me: Is it just me, or do I look unnaturally young?

Dr: It's a consequence of your condition

Me: I know that, but surely my condition can't account for everything. You don't look 16 while being 22 because of one mere deficiency

Dr: It's nothing to worry about

Me: I know. And when I'm 50?

Dr: Don't expect to look any different

(exeunt omnes)

What am I to do? I'm 22. I have the face of a 16 year old. I seek to heal the causes of my particular effects and I come up against thrashes of indifference. I can't look reality in the eye, or force it into a proximity to me.

We each of us have our own reality. Along with an alter ego, a color, a preferred body-type.

Perhaps I should change my name to Dorian Gray. I wonder if Oscar Wilde would approve. Am I to change at all? What will be the price of forever remaining in this silence. I do not doubt that I am missing something - but when will I begin to pay the price?

Why is it that I pine after her? I want to grasp her hand. I want to know what she's writing in our book. Paris has never seemed so far away.

Everyman

I will go with thee

and be thy guide

in thy most need

to go by thy side.

in need of a benefactor

troilus

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