2001-05-12 - 6:43 p.m.

Well. Primus inter Pares. Sentimental Education. Take me for the literary type? (he asks, disarmingly)

I am here and I am trying to recover. I am here for entirely selfish reasons. I am the recent victim of a heartbreak.

Ha - to call it that would be to recognise a design, a form. I don't even know what I can confirm.

Ha - the name of the object of my affection. Jane Ha. Studying in Paris. And I am in Malta, and she already knows,

and she only slightly reciprocates. And she will be 'home' at the end of May. And I feel like a failure because I can't convey.

I do not have friends. I go through long periods of self-loathing. I have enough insecurities to make a banker blush. I am 22. I find myself

contemplating entry into an institution of higher learning quite often - and am terrified. I see mendacity in pink.

I have a wedding to go to in two weeks' time and I find myself without a car, without enough money for a wedding present, without even a decent suit to wear. Let's not begin to speak of shoes. Or cobblers. Or Hans Christian Andersen.

Away, Away, or I will fly to thee....

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