2001-05-20 - 8:46 a.m.

I'm either biding my time quite well, or making a mess of it. Bifurcation it is. No complexity for me.

I want to be interred amongst the 'useful'. To be a tool. I want to live. But how does anyone go about living?

What is life to me? It obviously isn't what I'm doing now. I have a job, the results of which are blisfully inconsequential. The highlight of my day is being - ohmygosh - an editor. I correct the mistakes of others and am supplied with a sanitary succulent sedentary adrenaline rush. It's a hoot.

Life to me would be learning. But how? I can't really read. I have trouble even surviving 'the young male heir to the throne' of St-Exupery (ie, the Little Prince). Where can I begin?

With values - all that I want to do is help. Or lead, even.

Why can't I be Solomon - why doesn't 'God' appear to me in a dream?

Why am I not ever allowed to answer in the affirmative? All that I want is wisdom.

Wisdom and a raison d'etre

troilus

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