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2002-01-22 - 12:54 p.m.

The thoughts do not follow hard upon the event.
Whoever She is, She will not be Patricia the first.

Her thoughts were not contained in a portfolio. A meandering glance crisply returned. Shall it be that I am always the unflammable materia?

But who am I to speak? How had Keats trolled it? 'Though the dull brain perplexes and retards'

Indeed.

I am allowed a moment, I hope. I have been delirious lately. I am at a bank of the Euphrates, kneeling. The eyes have it. That selfsame question - pondered, whispered. I want to empty the contents of this life to have them pored over.

But I am tired of answers that are cold to the touch.

There are worse states, certainly.

'In the Dugout'

I hurl myself towards you and I think you hurl yourself
towards me too
A force comes from us a solid fire and it welds us together
But then comes an opposing force which stops us from seeing
one another
Opposite me the chalk wall's crumbling
There are fractures
Long marks left by tools smooth marks and it's as if they've
been cut in tallow
Cracked edges get knocked off by the movements of men from
my gun crew
But tonight it's my soul that's hollowed out and empty
It's as if one goes on and on falling there and never finds
bottom
And there's nothing to clutch at
What falls there what lives there are ugly beings of some kind
of future life
from a raw future that's not yet been cultivated or refined
or made human
This great emptiness of my soul lacks a sun it lacks what
brings light
That's how it is today this evening not always
Luckily it's only this evening
Other days I cling to you
Other days I find consolation from loneliness and all horrors
Through imagining your beauty
In order to raise it high above the enraptured universe
Then I think I'm imagining it in vain
I don't know your beauty through any of my senses
Nor even through words
Does that make my love of beauty vain too?
Do you exist my love
Or are you only an entity I have created without meaning
So as to people my solitude
Are you a goddess like the goddesses the Greeks created so as
to feel less down-hearted
I worship you my exquisite goddess even if you live only in
my imagination
I adore you
In spite of the sadness of the chalk
and the brutality of the unending cannon fire.

Guillaume Apollinaire

________________________________________

Let it only be written, by others: 'Here lies one whose name was writ on water.'

troilus

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