powered by SignMyGuestbook.com

Get your own diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

Monday, Aug. 16, 2004 - 6:29 p.m.

It has neither date nor name, or time or place, but smother me it does. My 'misery' is a deadly assassin, and I am the predistinated victim. It was ever thus, and ever shall be, it seems, with love and passion unable to break its dominion.

I wish it was different, oh how I do, and the tear on my left cheek proves it. The tear, in its irreversible progression, is my hope, and I sit, legs crossed, watching it all slip away, only to curse and wail and yell afterwards.

What is a sensitive heart good for? When solitary, it yearns for the lover's touch; sensually satisfied, it frets that sigh every word and declaration and promise is mere tokenism. How much better it would be to be alone and defiant, instead of living in two minds; my heart mired in reality's highjinks, my mind turned towards the light, which, when grasped as an idea, is beyond my reach.

I wish to throw any pretense of eloquence and profundity away and just write the emotion at hand, flagrant, juvenile, unadulterated misery. But otherwise it cannot be, not with a mind rigid and body fat with contempt.

And no woman to pull me out of this. Only myself to rely on. I am empty of insouciance with my back to the wall. "May you live in interesting times", says the idiom. Interesting, surely not, decisive, too much so. Will I, can I, vanquish my dragons?

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other DiaryLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!